


Indifference or Disinterest

by OnceYoungHearts



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceYoungHearts/pseuds/OnceYoungHearts
Summary: Ryan is the introvert who has trouble making friends. Brendon is somehow amazing at everything.The first week of college seems to be nonstop ice breakers and childish games, but Ryan doesn't really feel like playing games with Brendon.





	1. Chapter 1

Ryan was sitting on his school provided mattress. The thing was as hard as a board and covered in a shiny plastic layer to prevent bedbugs, he assumed. At least that was one thing he wouldn't have to worry about. 

His boxes were piled up messily against the small wall of the dorm, and he sighed at the idea of unpacking all of them. Even if he got around to opening the boxes and organizing his belongings into rough categories, he had no idea where to put any of it. There were built-in drawers under the beds, and the desk on his side of the room also had a drawer, but bringing every book he owned halfway across the country seemed to have been a gross miscalculation. His dad had told him anything he left behind would be thrown out, so at least this way he got to keep them all. Even if his half of the room ended up looking like a rundown used bookstore. 

The college staggered the arrival days of the people living in dorms, so his roommate would likely arrive tomorrow. He'd been given the guy's name and school email when they'd been matched as roommates, but the guy hadn't reached out to him, and Ryan would rather jump out of a window than instigate social interaction. So he had no idea what to expect. The personality survey they were forced to take had been pretty extensive, and since Ryan had only lied a little bit to make himself seem less boring, he hoped they'd get along. 

He flopped down on his bed, producing a squeaking noise from the plastic mattress, and stared up at the white ceiling, the white walls, and the white window dressings. It was all very clinical. His room looked out on the quad, a large expanse of grass where people tended to play sports or lay around with books. He'd given it a cursory glance as he'd been bringing boxes into the room. 

He reached into the backpack laying on the bed next to him and powered on his laptop. He really didn't feel like unpacking just yet, so he used his school ID to log onto the wifi, which turned out to be painfully slow, and pulled up Netflix in the browser. He resumed the episode of the show he'd been binging, letting his mind wander as the various characters killed demons and other mythical creatures. 

After a few hours of not moving except to pee, he heard a knock on the door a few down from his. He didn't think too much of it, but his mind wouldn't let him not take note of the information. Then after about a minute he heard a knock slightly closer. He could just barely hear the sound of people talking as the door was answered, and then a knock came at his own door. His stomach tied itself in knots as he ran his fingers through his hair and tugged his tshirt down from where it had been riding up. 

He pulled open his door to see a very short boy with glasses and a silly hat, smiling at him expectantly. "Hello Ryan. Could you join us in the lounge in about ten minutes, please?" Ryan was too caught off guard by the cheery disposition and the fact that this guy knew his name to do anything other than nod. The guy smiled even bigger, if that was possible, and bounded down the hall to the next door, knocking and then swaying in place as he waited for the occupant to answer. 

Ryan frowned as he closed his own door and looked at his outfit in the mirror that was attached to the wall. He was pretty sure the mirror wasn't meant to come standard, but that the previous owners of the room had done too good a job double-sided taping it to the wall for it to be taken down. 

He felt gross and sweaty from moving everything in the Californian heat, but he didn't really care enough to go digging through boxes to find a cleaner shirt. He wandered down the hall to the communal bathrooms that his floor shared. In the few hours he'd been here he hadn't managed to bump into anyone using the toilet at the same time as him, but this time as he entered there was another guy standing at a urinal. Ryan went to the sink and rinsed his face before running a wet hand through his hair, trying to stick down the unruly bedhead he'd managed to form. 

He tried not to stare at the guy in the reflection of the mirror, but he found it distracting. Public bathrooms had never instilled him with a sense of comfort, and the thought of having to get naked in here on a daily basis made him break out in a cold sweat. The guy at the urinal looked up and caught him staring. Ryan's eyes immediately widened and he anticipated the punch the guy would throw at him.

Instead the guy just laughed and zipped up his fly. A deep, playful laugh that was not at all mean in the way Ryan would have anticipated. He walked over to the sink next to the one Ryan was still standing, immobile, in front of. He washed his hands and then stuck out one that was still dripping for Ryan to shake. "Jon Walker." The guy said.

"That's a great name. Ryan Ross." Ryan said, immediately liking the firm but not intimidating aura that Jon's handshake gave off. 

High school had been rough for Ryan to say the least, but in that brief interaction, Ryan felt the slight flicker of hope that he could actually make friends here. "You going to that meeting?" Ryan inquired, hoping to have someone to sit next to.

"Yeah, that little guy in the hat knew my name. If I skipped, he'd probably come hunt me down." Ryan chuckled and they made their way down the hall to the common room. The dorm was laid out in an L shape, with the lounge being in the middle, and the stairs and elevators being at the two ends. When they got close enough to the lounge to see into the windows that walled it off from the hallway, Ryan estimated about fifteen students were inside. The guy who had forced them all to come sat on a table, his legs dangling in the air as he beamed at each person who entered the room. The couches had all been rotated to face where the guy was sitting.

Ryan and Jon took the couch in the back, settling in next to a small boy with red hair. Ryan had applied to be on the all boys floor, but now that he was actually living on it he was less sure of his decision. "Hello new friends! I'm Patrick, but you can call me Pat if you like. I'm your Residence Advisor for the next 8 months. I want you to know that you can come to me with any problems you have. Or if you just feel lonely, my door is always open. I'm in 401 right by the doors." He kind of leaned forward and stage-whispered conspiratorially, "I give really good hugs."

Ryan glanced at the few faces he could see and judged them to be unimpressed with Patrick's offer. The guy seemed nice enough but he was a little bit much. "Alright!" Patrick clapped his hands together, making the boy next to Ryan jump in his seat. "Let's do some ice breakers!" There was a chorus of groans around the room. "Oh come on. We're going to be one big happy family in no time!"

Ryan slid down on the couch until his spine was just about parallel with the ground. "Ugh, kill me?" He muttered.

Jon smirked down at him. "If I have to do this, so do you." Ryan hauled himself back into a sitting position as Patrick came around handing out pieces of paper and pens to everyone.

"Everyone find a partner." Ryan felt instantly relieved that he had met Jon. At least he wouldn't be the awkward one looking around to see who was left unclaimed. "Perfect. Now, as a pair, you're going to think up two truths and a lie. So each of the truths has to be true for both of you, and the lie has to be... not. Get it?" Everyone nodded hesitantly before a soft level of chatter filled the room.

Jon turned to him. "Okay, so we should think up weird truths that people won't believe, and then have a lame sounding lie so no one guesses it." Ryan smiled at how competitive Jon was making this game.

"Sounds good. How do we find something wild that's true for both of us?" They both fell quiet as they thought about it. "How about you start telling me about yourself, and I'll stop you if we have anything in common."

Jon shrugged, unable to come up with a better idea. "I grew up in Chicago. I have two brothers. I play the guitar."

"Me too! About the guitar part. Although that's not exactly crazy enough for people to not believe it."

"I'll pencil it in, in case we can't think of anything better. Okay, you talk about your life for a bit."

Ryan felt his mind go blank as he instantly forgot every mildly interesting thing about himself. "Uhh, I have no siblings. I read a lot and watch tv more than I should. I've never had alcohol."

"Woah, really?" Ryan nodded sheepishly. "Damn, I wish that was true for me. Never really had a good time while drunk." Ryan bit his lip and tried to change the subject.

"My major is creative writing." Jon nodded, tapping the end of the pen against the paper. "Umm, I'm a Virgo?" He threw out, running low on ideas.

"Oh! I think I am too!" He wrote it down next to the guitar fact. "This isn't exactly going as I'd hoped." He frowned down at his notes. Suddenly, his eyes shot up to Ryan's face as he studied it intensely. He lowered his voice, glancing around to the people who were closest to them. "How out of the closet are you?"

Ryan's eyes widened to the size of saucers as his mouth fell open and no sound came out. Jon frowned at him in confusion. Ryan blinked many times in rapid succession before managing to answer. "I mean, I'm not in the closet, per se, but I hadn't planned to come out to the whole floor on the first night."

"Oh, come on. If one of our truths is that we're both gay, people will think it's a lie for sure. You hardly look straight, but I usually get shocked reactions when I tell people."

Ryan was having a hard time wrapping his head around this development. "Well I guess it is statistically unlikely that we'd both be gay and end up as partners." Jon grinned at him and winked.

Patrick informed everyone that they had one minute to finalize their choices, and then had to decide which member of the pairs would read them aloud.

"Okay, so we're both gay Virgos. Maybe we just tweak the music one to make it a lie. What's an instrument you can't play?" Jon asked.

"Umm, the recorder? I missed that week of grade school where they taught it. Thank goodness, I'd probably still have a headache."

Jon made a humming noise as he thought. "Okay, the lie will be that we can both play Mary Had a Little Lamb on the recorder. That way it's specific enough that they'll think it's true."

"Sounds good." Ryan mumbled. His stomach had plummeted when Patrick had mentioned reading to the group. Even if it was only about a dozen people, he felt weak and tremble-y at the thought. "Do you think you could do the reading?" Ryan was pretty sure his tone and expression made him seem desperate, but that was how he felt.

Jon nodded without looking up from the paper. He didn't seem to notice Ryan's slight panic, or the way he was now taking deep breaths through his nose to calm down.

"Alright, who wants to go first?" Patrick bounced happily in his spot on the desk. Ryan felt himself freeze when Jon's hand shot immediately up into the air. Patrick beamed at him. "Perfect! Jon and Ryan will go first."

Ryan slowly followed Jon to the front of the room as one kid clapped sarcastically. He could barely hear it over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. He briefly tried making eye contact with the small audience, but his eyes drifted down to focus on his shoes of their own accord.

"Alright!" Jon started off energetically. "I'm Jon, this is Ryan, and these are some facts about us." He gestured at Ryan as he said his name, and Ryan flashed a brief smile to the floor that he couldn't seem to look away from. "We can both play Mary Had a Little Lamb on the recorder." Jon smiled smugly like this was his proudest achievement and the crowd cracked up with laughter. "We're both Virgos. Note: I did NOT say virgins." The group of people roared with laughter as Ryan blushed a deep shade of red. "And we're both gay." Jon said it with a smirk and a few people laughed, while the rest looked suspicious.

"Okay," Patrick spoke up. "Raise your hand if you think the first statement was a lie." No one moved. "The second statement?" A few people raised their hands tentatively. "And the final one?" The remaining people all raised their hands with more confidence than the others had had. Patrick turned to Jon. "Which was the lie?"

Jon paused dramatically, a finger tapping on his lips. "We don't know how to play the recorder." He grinned and started laughing at the shocked looks around the room. Everyone clapped enthusiastically as someone made a whooping noise. Ryan walked quickly back to the couch they'd been on and put his face in his hands.

Jon had been taking bows at the front of the room before eventually joining Ryan on the couch, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "That was mortifying." Ryan mumbled through his fingers.

Jon laughed and jostled him. "Aww just because everyone's going to think we're hooking up for the rest of the year, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm a catch." Ryan looked at him with realization dawning on his face as he realized the rumors that had just been started. He slid down in his seat, trying to figure out if he could master the power of invisibility before the rest of the students showed up tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan's eyes flew open and he sat bolt upright in bed, heart pounding, as the door to his room banged open. A guy was standing in the doorway, holding multiple suitcases and looking sheepish. "Shit, sorry. I didn't realize you'd still be asleep." Ryan rubbed a hand over his face, trying to adjust to the real world after the nightmare he'd been woken out of.

After the floor meeting the night before, he'd gone back to Jon's room and they'd hung out for a few hours, talking about music and laughing. By the time he'd gotten back to his room, he'd been so wound up he couldn't sleep, and ended up watching another full season on Netflix. He barely remembered shoving his laptop onto the floor and rolling over once he'd been unable to keep is eyes open. 

"That's fine." He squinted at his watch as the guy opened the curtains slightly, and the room was illuminated with sunlight that proved his watch wasn't lying when it said it was already afternoon. "I'm Ryan." He raised a hand in greeting as he sat up in bed, his sheet pooling around him. 

"I'm Spencer." The guy smiled at him as a woman leaned into the room, knocking on the open door.

"Knock knock." She said, although the physical knocking had already gotten their attention. "Honey, can you go help your father? I think he's going to throw his back out if he tries to lift half of those boxes." 

"Yeah, sure. Mom, this is Ryan. Ryan, mom." He waved his arm between the two absent-mindedly as he left the room. 

The woman placed the potted plant she'd been carrying on the window sill before turning to smile at Ryan. "Nice to meet you, Ryan. You moved in yesterday?"

"Yes, Mrs. Smith." Ryan felt thankful for his good memory that he could recall Spencer's last name from the email the school had sent. He really wouldn't have liked having to call her ma'am or something. "Sorry my stuff is still all over the place. I think I packed a little heavy." 

She looked around the room and shook her head. "Between you and Spencer I doubt you'll be able to see the floor." She smiled at him again and he felt a warm sensation settle in his stomach. He hadn't met too many people who gave off that comforting maternal vibe, but Spencer's mom was a textbook example of it. 

Ryan grabbed the first clothes he could find out of a box and made his way to the bathroom to change. As he locked the stall door he silently hoped that Spencer wouldn't be one of those straight guys that got all awkward about changing in front of him once they found out he was gay. That was always annoying, and spending eight months changing in the bathroom sounded like actual hell. 

He managed to get his pants on without stepping on the floor in his bare sock or dropping anything in the toilet, and he counted it as the accomplishment of the day. The hallway was bustling with families moving their kids in, and he had to dodge out of the way of being hit in the head more than once to make it back to his room without injury. 

In the few minutes Ryan had been gone, Spencer had managed to get all of his stuff moved in, and was now standing in a prolonged embrace with his crying mother. The man Ryan assumed was his dad stood in the doorway, shaking his head at the sight. When he saw Ryan he rolled his eyes. "We live like 20 minutes away, but she still acts like he's going off to war." Ryan smiled uncomfortably and sat on his bed as the hug finally ended. "Alright, leave him be. You know you can come home if you need anything." He directed the last statement at Spencer, who nodded.

His mom gave his cheek a pat and left the room, his dad following and closing the door. Spencer sighed and sat down on the bed. "Wow. This is really it. Freedom." Spencer grinned across the room at him. 

Ryan appreciated that he hadn't made fun of his mom's behavior. He figured Spencer was pretty lucky to have a mother that cared so much. "You hungry?" Ryan asked, mostly to have something to say.

"Yeah, I can always eat. Have you checked out the caf? I saw it when I had the tour and it looked pretty decent." Ryan shook his head. He hadn't been able to tour the school before moving out here, and he hadn't gone yesterday because Jon had supplied snacks. They both grabbed their keys and student cards, Ryan making sure to lock the door as they left. 

As they walked side by side to the building the cafeteria was in, Spencer chatted idly about the moving process, how he'd decided to go to this college because his mom didn't want him too far from home, and how he hadn't decided on a major yet. He said he was leaning towards music, but didn't really want to be forced to learn other instruments when the drums was really all he cared about. Ryan listen intently, asking one or two questions when needed to keep the conversation flowing. By the time they were in line to swipe their cards and enter the caf, Ryan had already decided he liked Spencer. 

They filled their plates with more food than they were likely to eat, mainly because the options were too good to pass up. Ryan surveyed the pizza, pasta, fries, and yogurt that Spencer had with curiosity, thinking it was a strange combination. It wasn't until Spencer started dipping the food in the yogurt that he actually said something though. "Dude, what the fuck?" He stared in sheer horror at the sight before him.

"You should try it; it's so good." Spencer said around a mouthful of yogurt-coated fries. Ryan tried to convey through facial expressions that there was no way in hell he was going to give it a try. Spencer loaded up a fry with copious amounts of blueberry yogurt and held it close to Ryan's face. 

Spencer waggled his eyebrows. Ryan sighed. He took a bite of it. Just as his mouth closed around the food, he made eye contact with the hottest boy he'd ever seen. Ryan gagged on the revolting combination of flavors, barely managing to swallow it down. The boy made an amused facial expression and kept walking. Spencer was doubled over, his head resting on the table as he shook with laughter. Ryan second guessed his initial opinion of Spencer as he noticed all the attention that scene had drawn to their table. 

Ryan looked around for the cute boy, but couldn't spot him anywhere. He slouched down in his seat, covering his face as it turned red for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past twenty four hours. 

When they got back to their dorm, Ryan collapsed on his bed with a book while Spencer began unpacking. They really did have a lot of stuff, and pretty soon there were clothes all over the floor and desks. Spencer was getting frustrated at the lack of space, and started playing some hardcore metal music to match his mood. Ryan was pretty good at blocking out distractions while reading, but the book he had was some classic Russian masterpiece that while beautiful, wasn't exactly a page turner, and he was having to struggle to absorb the words on the page. 

He eventually left the room with the book under his arm, hoping the lounge would be less chaotic than his bedroom currently was. There was one guy watching tv, but other than that the lounge was blissfully empty. Ryan stretched out on the couch by the window, laying his head on one armrest and his feet on the other. 

He'd lost track of how long he'd been reading when someone cleared their throat pointedly, finally breaking the spell the book had put him under. He took a second to let go of the fantastical world of rich Russian elite that he'd been focused on, before realizing the other guy in the room was staring at him with his eyebrows raised. He wasn't the same one who'd been watching tv when Ryan had entered, and Ryan had no memory of that guy leaving or this one entering. It was the attractive one who'd seen him choke on Spencer's food in the caf a few hours ago. 

The guy had taken a seat on the couch facing his, and was still staring at him, waiting. "Umm, sorry, did you ask me something?" Ryan struggled to sit up on the couch, as the guy's face smirked down at him. 

"I asked what you were reading." He smiled in a way that touched all of his face, and made Ryan feel warm all over. It was impossible not to blush when someone smiled at you like that. 

"Oh, War and Peace." He rotated the book to show the cover. "I always meant to read it, but it's just so long, and I figured now before classes start would be a good time to finally get around to it." Ryan realized he was starting to babble and snapped his mouth shut.

"Yeah, it definitely looks long. You're reading it for... fun?" Ryan nodded. "Let me guess, your major is English?" 

Ryan laughed. "Creative Writing, so essentially, yes. I'll be taking a lot of English electives, as well as Linguistics and History most likely." Oh god, he was doing it again. He really needed the other guy to take over this conversation or he was going to spill his whole life story.

Instead, the guy did just the opposite. "That's awesome!" His smile somehow got brighter. "What kind of stuff do you like to write?"

Ryan ran through a mental list of everything he had written over the past three months, noting that it was exclusively journal entries and fanfiction. "Oh, uhh, I like to write song lyrics, and short stories. Scifi and fantasy mostly. But I was pretty busy working over the summer, so I haven't gotten to write much lately." 

The guy nodded, his attention being drawn away as Patrick entered the room. "Ahh good, you're already here. We're having another floor meeting. Ryan can tell you what yesterday's was like if Jon hasn't already." Patrick flashed them a double thumbs up as he continued his trek down the hallway, knocking at each door in turn. Ryan figured he should really teach Patrick how to set up a group chat or something so he wouldn't have to do that every time. 

He looked back at the guy. "Is Jon your roommate?" 

The guy shrugged. "I guess? He managed to sleep through me moving all my stuff in so I didn't really get to meet him. You're Ryan?" 

Ryan nodded, realizing for the first time that they hadn't exchanged names. "You never told me your name." 

The guy stood up, winking at him. "Indeed, I didn't." He made for the door. "I'm going to the bathroom, save me a seat?" Ryan nodded again, a slight frown on his face. He really wanted to know the guy's name, but didn't want to ask again and be pushy. He figured he'd learn it through one of Patrick's ice breaker games that would hopefully be less mortifying than yesterday's. He made a mental note to not sit beside Jon, just in case the rumor mill was already working on them being a couple. 

When Patrick came back, Ryan helped him move the couches into a big circle all facing each other. He put his book on the seat next to him and waited as the other students filed in, mostly in pairs. Spencer spotted him sitting alone and took the empty spot on his other side. "How'd unpacking go?" Ryan asked.

"Somehow got worse after you left. I need to throw most of it out apparently. There's never going to be enough space for it all in that tiny shoe box of a dorm room." Ryan nodded as his eyes slowly watched the guy from earlier coming down the hallway and entering the room. Spencer noticed him as he came to sit next to Ryan. "Aren't you the guy that made Ryan choke in the caf?" Ryan turned to Spencer with his mouth open and betrayal in his eyes. How dare he remind hotguy™ of that? They were supposed to be roommates! Was nothing sacred?

"He didn't make me choke! That disgusting food combo you force fed me did!" Ryan moved his book off the seat as the guy sat down next to him and slid it under the couch so he wouldn't have to hold it. 

The guy had a hand over his face to hide how hard he was laughing at them. When he eventually managed to get his breath back, he leaned over Ryan, shaking Spencer's hand. "Hey, I'm Brendon." Ryan looked at him in shock as Brendon pulled back out of his person space, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Why was everyone enjoying laughing at him today?

Jon finally entered the room, taking the last open spot on a couch across the circle from them. Jon smiled and nodded at Ryan and he returned the gesture. Ryan pointed at Brendon, mouthing, He's your roommate. Jon raised his eyebrows and looked Brendon over from head to toe with an appreciative look before winking at Ryan. 

Patrick stood up from his seat and looked around the circle with a slightly evil smile forming on his face. "Now that everyone is here, we're going to play..." He paused, seemingly for dramatic effect. Ryan thought that was a little melodramatic. "Never have I ever." All the blood rushed out of Ryan's face as Brendon elbowed him in the ribs, grinning like he couldn't be happier.


	3. Chapter 3

So here's the thing: Ryan definitely didn't have what you'd consider to be a lot of friends in high school, but with the help of dating apps and him being the only out gay kid, he managed to have a lot of... experiences. When Patrick announced the game would be never have I ever, he immediately started compiling a mental list of things he hadn't done. Drinking alcohol came to mind, and he figured that would be a good one that would get a lot of people, but he was more worried about being the first one out and solidifying his reputation as the slutty gay one. Not that that was the furthest thing from the truth, but he didn't really want everyone to make that decision about him on day two.

"Alright." Patrick clapped his hands together to get the attention back on himself, since an excited buzz had picked up once he'd made his announcement. Ryan was acutely aware of how full the room was now that everyone had moved in. "Since half of you got a jump start at getting to know each other last night, we'll let the new boys go first. Everyone hold up one hand." He actually paused to make sure everyone followed his instructions. Most people seemed eager to play. "Spencer can go first, and we'll go clockwise through the new ones until everyone's had a turn. Then we'll go around again including everyone until someone wins!" 

"Is there a prize for the winner?" Jon asked, somehow managing to be competitive in a game that has little strategy. 

"Uhh, the winner gets to pick our first group activity. The budget is pretty low, so things like bowling or billiards maybe?" Jon nodded his ascent that this was worth playing for. "Okay, Spencer. You name something you've never done, and if any of us have, we have to put down a finger. Once all of your fingers are down, you're out."

Everyone nodded their understanding of the rudimentary game as Spencer smiled wickedly at Ryan out of the corner of his eye. "Never have I ever read a book that's longer than 600 pages." Ryan frowned at him, slowly lowering his thumb as a few others around the circle also lost fingers. 

Ryan muttered under his breath about being attacked for being smarter than him, and he didn't think anyone heard, but Brendon laughed silently beside him. Ryan felt his frown disperse at the knowledge he had amused the guy.

"Perfect, Brendon's next." Patrick said. Spencer leaned over to Ryan and asked how Patrick knew all of their names, but he simply shrugged in response. Patrick was an enigma.

"Never have I ever had a one night stand." Brendon said without hesitation. Ryan flinched a little and tried to lower a finger without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, Jon was watching him and let out a loud wolf whistle when he saw. Brendon turned to Ryan, arching an eyebrow but conveying no other emotion. Ryan was already ready for this game to be over. Quite a few of the others lowered fingers, but Ryan seemed to be the only one getting attention for it. This was going exactly as he hoped it wouldn't, and he started planning ways to get Spencer to leave the bedroom later so he could have a good cry.

The boy on the other side of Brendon was also new, and after thinking for a solid minute while everyone stared at him, he sent an apologetic look around the room before saying, "Never have I ever kissed a girl." Ryan let out a relieved laugh as everyone else in the circle put down fingers except him and Patrick. Ryan couldn't bring himself to look at Brendon, though he could sense he was looking at him in his periphery. 

Patrick cleared his throat, he was the only one with all of his fingers still up. "Ian, you're next." 

The small kid with puffy brown hair looked like a deer in headlights. "Uhh, never have I ever said I love you without meaning it." There were a few sighs around the room as people with genuine looks of guilt on their faces lowered fingers. Ryan and Brendon's eyes met as they both lowered one, quickly looking away again. 

Ryan didn't like to think about that guy, or how he'd convinced himself it had been love when it was nothing close to that. He'd wanted to be loved so badly he'd lived a lie until it had unraveled from the inside out. He could still hear the guy's broken sobs as he'd ended things with him. He wondered what Brendon's situation had been like. From the small impression he'd gotten, Brendon didn't seem the type to lie like that.

Ryan stared at his index and middle fingers: the last vestiges of his dignity. He wanted to believe that being first out would make him seem cool and daring, but it really didn't seem like that would be the case.

The next guy waited patiently for the room to quiet down before speaking. "Never have I ever gone surfing." There were disgruntled murmurs around the room as most of the boys put fingers down including Brendon. Ryan relaxed a little, thankful for his lack of athleticism.

"What's surfing?" A guy with a thick Swedish accent asked. 

"It's like the snowboarding of the sea." Someone else answered. The guy scrunched up his face, seemingly attempting to picture that. He nodded to himself shortly after. They were half way around the circle by that point, and Ryan felt relieved that he'd at least managed to make it that far. 

The next guy to have a turn looked like he was barely managing to hold in his laughter. Everyone waited for him to take his turn with intrigue. "Never have I ever sucked a guy's dick." The guy announced with a chuckle that started to devolve into full blown laughter.

"Okay, I think we've had enough of this game!" Patrick squeaked as his face turned beet red, but not before Ryan saw Brendon lower a finger with a slight smirk on his face. Ryan's eyes widened as he quickly turned away so Brendon didn't see the excitement he was failing to hide. Ryan's eyes locked with Jon's across the circle who had also apparently noticed Brendon's action. 

The room was loud as everyone talked loudly about blowjobs to the people near them. Ryan turned to Spencer, trying to judge the guy's reaction. "Hell of a get to know you exercise." Ryan said, trying to laugh in a way that seemed light and genuine. 

Spencer seemed to be in shock. "Yeah, definitely not what I was expecting. I think I need a drink." Jon had come over to stand by their couch and caught the end of the conversation. 

"A drink sounds amazing." Jon smiled down at Spencer who seemed caught off guard by his sudden appearance. "I'm Jon. Ryan and I already met last night; we're already the best of friends." 

Brendon leaned forward on the couch. "Oh hey, you're Jon?" He stuck out his hand and Jon gripped it in a firm shake. "I'm Brendon, your roommate."

"Awesome." Jon exhaled dreamily while allowing his eyes to scan Brendon again. Ryan cleared his throat before he had time to think about the action. The three guys turned to him in unison, an arched eyebrow on each face.

"Uhh, so drinks?" He stuttered slightly.

"Fuck yes." Jon agreed. 

"There's a bar just off campus that never cards." Spencer supplied as the four of them made their way out of the room. Patrick yelled a goodbye at them as the left, and only Ryan turned to wave to him. He really was trying his best.

When Spencer said just off campus, he was not exaggerating. It was about a seven minute walk from their dorm, and something about the musty smell of cigarettes in this dingy underground bar reminded him of home in a way that was not totally unpleasant. It was almost empty, being a Tuesday night, and true to Spencer's word, none of them got asked for ID. Ryan only ordered a glass of water, but the others all got beer. 

They sat in a booth in the back corner, Ryan next to Spencer and across from Brendon. On the walk over they had discussed the over excited nature of Patrick, and how that ice breaker had imploded very quickly. "This is going to be such a great year." Jon declared, raising his glass. Everyone grinned as they took turns clinking glasses. Ryan's eyes lingered on Brendon as they all drank their drinks. 

Jon engaged Spencer in a discussion about music and how he would practice the drums while living in a dorm. Spencer enthusiastically started to tell him about his electric set he was going to bring from home once he figured out where he could fit it in the room. 

Brendon nudged Ryan's foot under the table, and Ryan prompt tuned out of the conversation the other two were having. Brendon had the tiniest smile on his face, and Ryan couldn't help but mirror it. "Having a good time?" Brendon asked.

"You know, I really am." Ryan sipped his drink and focused his eyes on Brendon's hands where they were resting on the table as a reprieve from the sustained eye contact. "You uh, had some surprising answers to those never have I evers," Ryan couldn't help himself from saying. He'd been unable to think of anything else since the game had ended. He was a curious person by nature, but he found the puzzle of Brendon endlessly intriguing.

"I don't see how." Brendon took a slow sip of his beer, studying Ryan over the rim. He saw Ryan's confusion, but took his time answering. "How can anything a stranger does surprise you? While you know nothing about them, anything is possible." That was not the response he had been expecting.

"I suppose you're correct." He didn't know what else to say to that. Jon and Spencer had begun arguing about their favourite bands, and who they thought were overrated. Ryan hadn't heard who they were talking about, but the discussion was getting pretty heated, Jon stating that Spencer had no taste and only liked the band because they had "eye candy". Spencer scoffed loudly and told Jon he was pompous and didn't know how to have fun.

Ryan was distracted by another nudge under the table. He looked back to Brendon to see him nod his head in a let's get out of here gesture. Ryan furrowed his brow in confusion, but Brendon just got up, downing the rest of his beer and heading for the door. Ryan looked to the others, but they hadn't even noticed Brendon leaving. Ryan stood and mumbled, "See you back in the room," to Spencer, before following Brendon back outside.

Brendon was leaning against the wall of the building, waiting for him. They fell into step and walked back in the direction of campus, the sun now set and the streetlights on. "Why did we leave?" Ryan eventually worked up the nerve to ask.

Brendon glanced at him before looking straight ahead and smiling. "They seemed like they were hitting it off, and I didn't want to stand in their way." Ryan abruptly stopped walking and looked back in the direction of the bar, trying to replay the last hour or so in his head. They'd been fighting. And Jon had been checking out Brendon. Until he'd devoted all of his attention to arguing with Spencer at least. Ryan was unconvinced. "Trust me. I know sexual tension when I see it." He slung an arm around Ryan's shoulders and started pulling him back to campus. Ryan tried to ignore the way his stomach tightened when that happened and was grateful for the darkness that was likely hiding the blush on his face. 

Ryan couldn't stop himself from bringing the topic up. It was all he'd been thinking about since it happened. "Yeah I guess you do recognize sexual tension between guys if your answer to the last never have I ever is any indication." He tried to make his tone light and jokey, but his stomach was churning with anxiety to see what Brendon's response would be. 

Brendon laughed and shoved him playfully, his arm dropping from its place around Ryan. Ryan shivered slightly as he put a smile on his face and walked along. "You noticed that." It wasn't a question, but Ryan nodded anyway. "I am a man of many secrets." Brendon turned to wink at him before launching himself into a hand spring back flip. Ryan gasped before he could stop himself, and clapped enthusiastically while laughing as Brendon took a bow.

"Yeah, evidently you are." They made it back to the dorm building and took the stairs to their floor. They entered on the side that was closer to Brendon's room, and Ryan stood awkwardly by, not sure if he should try to get his number or something. He was bound to bump into Brendon again eventually, but maybe he could expedite the process by making a move.

"Well, have a good night." Brendon said, smiling at him as he unlocked his door and stepped inside.

"Yeah, night." Ryan mumbled, wandering off to his own room.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan woke up to his alarm going off, the dream he had been enjoying quickly fading away before he could remember what had been happening. He had a distinct image of Brendon laughing, deep and genuine as he gripped his stomach and gasped for air, but beyond that the memory was already gone. He laid there for a bit after turning off the alarm, trying to chase the feeling the memory had induced and failing.

He sighed, there still weren't classes for a few days, but he'd wanted to get on a decent sleep schedule so the 9 am lectures wouldn't kill him. Now that he was actually awake with nothing important to do for the rest of the day, it didn't seem worth it. He glanced across the room at Spencer's sleeping form, feeling annoyed that he'd managed to build his schedule to start in the afternoon everyday. 

Ryan slipped out of bed and pulled on pants as quietly as possible. He wasn't hungry yet, so he decided he'd take his book outside somewhere and read a few chapters while he waited for Spencer to wake up. It took him multiple minutes of searching through his desk and the few boxes he had open before he remembered he'd left it in the lounge the previous night.

He snuck out of the room without making a sound, letting the door close gently before locking it. Spencer seemed like a heavy sleeper, but he didn't want to risk pissing off his roommate so early on. Plus he'd come home pretty late the previous night, helping Brendon's suspicion that he and Jon had something going on. Ryan has pretended to be asleep as he'd entered, and hadn't asked, but the slight smile that never left Spencer's face was indication enough.

As he came to the corner of the building and was able to see into the lounge, his steps almost faltered as he noticed Brendon sitting at the table with papers spread out all over it. He managed to keep moving forward, however, and Brendon didn't notice him until he was pushing the door open and smiling hesitantly. Even though it was a common room, he felt like he was intruding.

When Brendon looked up and saw who it was, his face broke out in a huge shit-eating grin. "I so called it."

Ryan laughed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fine, maybe you were a little right about Jon and Spencer. You just got lucky." He bent over, looking for his book under the couches. They'd been rearranged since the meeting, and he didn't see it under the first few he checked. When he stood up again to ask Brendon if he'd seen it, Brendon coughed and quickly looked away, his cheeks a little redder than they had been. 

"Oh, sorry, I uh-" Brendon mumbled while shuffling the papers around on the desk. It seemed like utter chaos to Ryan. "I saw it on the ground and was going to bring it to you." He finally moved the right stack of paper and revealed Ryan's book. 

"Oh, awesome. Thanks." Ryan grabbed it from his outstretched hand and hugged it to his chest. "So, what exactly are you doing?" He looked more closely at the papers on the table and was even more confused by the random lines of text and pictures that covered the pages. 

Brendon groaned. "I thought I would get a start on the work for this one class I'm in. The prof is hardcore; he already sent out the reading list and assigned projects."

"And it's..." Ryan made a guess based off of the few things he recognized from the notes. "Religion?"

Brendon made a face and nodded. "Yeah, that's my major. My parents wouldn't pay my tuition unless I took it." He spoke quickly and seemed upset admitting it. "I'm honestly not even religious. It's interesting to learn about in theory I guess, but my family's so intense with this stuff. I can still take whichever electives I want, but unfortunately the majority of my time will be focused on this crap." He threw the sheet of paper he'd been holding down on the table and slouched back in his chair. Ryan was pretty shocked by the whole development, and Brendon misinterpreted his expression. "Oh no, are you religious? I really need to think before I speak sometimes."

"No no no no." Ryan had to hold back the aggressive laughter that had tried to force its way out of his throat. "God, no." Brendon relaxed and smiled a little. "Honestly, there have been times where I genuinely wanted to believe. It would have made life easier, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess my motives weren't genuine. I didn't really want to believe, I just wanted there to be a reason for all the shitty things that were happening." He'd rambled for far too long before he caught himself. Again. He was seriously considering just never speaking again at this point. Every time he did, he made an ass of himself.

But Brendon was nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Ryan was not expecting that answer, and didn't know what to say to it.

"Uhh, anyway, I guess I'll leave you to your work then." Ryan did an awkward point out the door with his thumb gesture to indicate he was going. "See you around." Brendon hummed in agreement, frowning back down at the mess of papers in front of him. 

Ryan retreated to his room, throwing his book down on the bed and waking up Spencer. He needed something to think about other than how that conversation had gone. Spencer seemed only mildly annoyed at being woken up, but when the offer of breakfast was made, he seemed to forget to be mad. They were early enough for breakfast that there were no lines, and none of the food was dried out from sitting in the warmers. Ryan figured this was at least one perk of getting up early.

After eating, they started walking back to the dorm when they heard someone shout their names. Brendon was in the quad, throwing a football back and forth with another guy from their floor. "Hey guys." Brendon said after he'd jogged up to them. He'd changed into gym shorts since Ryan had seen him, and his tshirt was clinging slightly to his skin from the sweat he'd worked up while playing. Ryan managed to lift his eyes up to Brendon's face before he was caught staring, and smiled in greeting. "Did you want to join us?" He turned to the other guy who nodded enthusiastically and waved them over.

"Oh, no thanks." Spencer replied. "We just ate a ton and I think I'd puke if I did anything other than lay down." Ryan nodded and rubbed his stomach exaggeratedly. He was grateful he wouldn't have to expose his total lack of hand-eye coordination. 

Brendon looked sympathetic, and maybe a little disappointed. "Okay, no worries." He shot them one last smile and ran off, managing to jump and catch the ball in mid air on his way. Ryan took a few seconds before noticing that Spencer had already started walking again. 

\---------

Ryan had made it through two whole pages of his book by the time a knock sounded on the door. He tried to quash the hope that it would be Brendon, that immediately rose in him at the noise. Spencer got up and opened the door before he got the chance, revealing Patrick on the other side. 

"Oh, good! You're back. I tried to come earlier when I talked to the others, but I guess you were out?" He looked at Spencer worriedly for confirmation, as if slightly nervous that they'd just been ignoring his knock or something. Spencer nodded assent, and Patrick's blinding smile returned. "Right, right. Anyway, since the game of Never Have I Ever ended without a winner, I've thought up another game to determine who picks our first outing." 

Ryan had sat up on his bed to listen. He wasn't overly excited about the idea of another game, but any excuse to spend time with Brendon seemed like a good one. "It's called Assassin. Although that's kind of a violent name, and the college might get upset. So we're calling it Pushing Daisies." He smiled in a way that implied this was the best idea he'd ever had. He produced a bag that Ryan hadn't seen him holding until then, and pulled out two clothes pins, each with a name on it. Spencer took both, tossing one to Ryan as Patrick made note of which name each of them had. "Perfect. The goal is to get the clothes pin attached to the person whose name is on it. If you succeed, that person is out and you take over the pin they had. We keep going until someone wins. The only rules are don't be too physical, and dorm rooms are safe zones. If you get someone out, update me so I can know who has whom." He fell silent, counting on his fingers to make sure he hadn't missed anything. "Any questions?"

"Couldn't this game go on for months?" Ryan asked. He wasn't even sure who the name he'd gotten belonged to. He tried to rack his brain for the name William, but there were too many guys on the floor for it to ring any bells. 

"I don't think it will, but if it goes for too long, I'll just decide the first outing and the winner will get something else I guess." Both guys nodded that they were fine with this. "Now that you have your pins, the game starts immediately." Patrick waved before making his way back to his own room.

Spencer closed the door and leaned against it heavily. "Now we'll have to be on constant guard whenever we leave the room." Spencer complained. Ryan shrugged in response. He hadn't gotten Brendon's name and neither had Spencer, so he really didn't care if he was the first one out of the game. 

"We could just hide in here for the whole year. Win by means of fortification." Spencer looked at him suspiciously. 

"You know a lot about military strategy?" Spencer asked, seeming excited about the idea of out-thinking their opponents. 

"Uhh, as much as the average person I guess." That was a blatant lie. He'd read multiple books on strategy after he'd failed to beat a computer at chess. Ryan wasn't usually a sore loser, but that thing had been programmed decades ago and it shouldn't have been nearly that clever. 

Spencer looked unconvinced but didn't press it. "Well, what do we do now? I kind of wanted to find the buildings my classes are in so I don't get lost on the first day, but I don't know who to look out for! Apart from you, I can't trust anyone." 

Ryan hopped up from his bed, pocketing the clothes pin on the off chance he managed to find William and learn his name with enough time to get the pin on him. Seemed unlikely. "I'll watch your back. If any familiar looking guys come running at you, I'll let you know." He opened the door and strode down the hall, laughing when Spencer popped his head out to look both ways before following. It seemed like everyone was taking the hide-in-your-room approach though, and the hall was deserted. Spencer dashed down the hall, grabbing Ryan's hand and pulling him behind. 

When they got to the elevator, Ryan went to push the button and Spencer gasped. "Are you kidding?" He smacked Ryan on the arm. "That's like asking to lose! We'd be trapped if we get down there and someone's waiting. Get your head in the game." Ryan looked perplexed as Spencer all but dragged him down the stairs. Wasn't Jon supposed to be the competitive one?

As it turned out, there was no one waiting at the bottom floor for them, and Spencer made Ryan exit the building first, looking like he wanted to do a tactical roll and hide around corners. Ryan rolled his eyes and walked out normally. They were halfway across the quad, scanning the map Ryan had on his phone, when their names were once again called. Spencer full on dropped to the ground as Ryan stood, staring at him in shock. "Seriously?" Ryan questioned as he looked up to see Brendon once again running over, slight deja vu. 

"Woah, woah, woah." Spencer got up waving his hands around. "You stay back until you show me your clothes pin has someone else's name." Brendon stopped a few feet away, pulling out his clothes pin with one hand while the other was raised in a surrender pose. He held it so they could read Zack on it, Spencer letting out a sigh and relaxing slightly. 

"You going to show me yours?" Brendon asked as he walked closer, seemingly not caring who their targets were. Ryan and Spencer exchanged glances before shaking their heads in unison. 

Ryan finally looked passed Brendon to see he was no longer with the guy from before, Jon now stood off on the grass holding the ball. He was eyeing them suspiciously, making no moves to get closer. Ryan nodded in Jon's direction as he looked back at Brendon. "He's going to take this way too seriously, isn't he?" 

Brendon smirked and nodded. "Oh for sure. He's already got all these plans to trap Alexander. I'd be terrified if he had my name to be honest." They laughed as Jon squinted his eyes and took a step backwards, glancing around himself every so often in case of a surprise attack. 

Spencer seemed to be getting more paranoid as he watched Jon. He glanced around quickly to check his own surroundings. "Anyway, we're off to find our class rooms, being responsible students and all."

Brendon nodded. "Sure thing. See you around." He winked as his hand landed on Ryan's upper arm. The touch was fleeting, but his skin was left tingling long after Brendon had gone back to join Jon. 

"See you around." Ryan repeated quietly as he followed Spencer off down the path.


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer and Ryan had managed to make it across campus without running into anyone else from their floor. Spencer was still on guard, although he was no longer screaming every time someone brushed past him, which Ryan deeply appreciated. The campus was still fairly empty, this week being the awkward bit in between summer and fall semesters.

"Maybe we should just go sit in the lounge and let the people who have our names tag us." Ryan suggested. "You being so freaked out all the time is exhausting."

Spencer looked at him in disgust. "The Smiths are not quitters. I don't care if this stress turns my hair grey, I'm going to play until I win or get beat fair and square..." Ryan's shoulders slumped as Spencer went on his rant about honour and gamesmanship. It had been worth a shot. "... they had strong back bones and bowed to no- holy shit!" Spencer stopped mid rant, his eyes locking on someone. "That's the guy I have!" He whispered to Ryan, ducking behind a bench they were near and pulling the clothes pin out of his pocket. "Go distract him so I can sneak up and tag him!"

Ryan looked back and forth between Spencer's hiding spot and the small red headed kid he vaguely recognized from their floor. The guy was staring at his phone and glancing around like he was lost. Ryan sighed heavily as Spencer put his hands together and made a pouting face at him, his lower lip jutted out dramatically. Ryan silently cursed the juvenile game he was being forced to participate in and trudged over to the boy, getting all the way up to him without being noticed. "Hey," Ryan greeted him. The guy startled before recognizing Ryan. "Are you lost or something?" Ryan asked, watching in his peripheral vision over the guy's shoulder as Spencer ran in a crouch to get behind his target.

"Yes! Jesus, I've been wandering around for an hour. I don't even know which way's North anymore." He turned his phone so Ryan could see it. "I'm trying to find this building." He pointed to one that Ryan was fairly certain was nowhere near their current position. Just as he was getting ready to break this to the guy, Spencer let out a triumphant whoop, having successfully pinned the guy's shirt. He spun around like a dog chasing its tail, trying to see where it had been attached to him.

"Gotcha! Hand over your pin." Spencer held out his hand, palm up, as the guy groaned and reached into his pockets. He grumpily gave it to Spencer before turning back to Ryan to await the directions he still needed.

"Okay, next target's Ian." Spencer declared as they continued their trek back to the dorms. "That was the kid with all the hair?" Ryan hummed noncommittally, realizing how truly bad at remembering names and faces he was. Spencer was almost bouncing with excitement now that he'd gotten one person out. Ryan was disappointed to note that it only made Spencer more eager to win.

They walked in silence, Ryan's mind wandering, and Spencer still glancing around at consistent intervals to check their surroundings. They got back to the building and Ryan went for the elevator again. "Take the stairs if you want. I don't care enough."

Spencer shook his head. "It's only four floors, dude." Ryan shrugged as he waited for the elevator that seemed to be taking a long time. Spencer started climbing the stairs alone as Ryan leaned against the wall, wondering if he should call home at some point and let his dad know he was settling in. Okay, he knew he should, he was more deciding if the obligation outweighed the discomfort he would have to endure.

The elevator doors slid open and he moved to enter, walking straight into Brendon who was attempting to exit. "Oh shit." Ryan said before he could think. "Sorry." The doors started to close on their own, both guys being outside of the elevator. Brendon reached his hand back in, holding the door open.

"You know it's common practice to let the passengers on the elevator disembark before you attempt to board?" Brendon said in a mocking way that gave Ryan the distinct impression that he was quoting something.

"Uhh, yes, sorry." Ryan repeated. Brendon's faux annoyance broke as he couldn't keep himself from grinning any longer.

"Don't worry about it. I keep running into you, figures eventually it would be literal." Ryan laughed in surprise at his joke. He felt like he never knew what Brendon would say from one moment to the next.

Ryan stepped into the elevator and the doors closed as Brendon gave a two finger salute and a cheeky wink. He let out a breath, leaning all of his weight against the wall of the elevator. It was a short ride to the fourth floor, and when the doors opened he saw Spencer standing right in front of him, grinning like a maniac. Ryan jumped and clutched his chest. "What the fuck, Spencer?!"

"Oh buddy, you are not going to believe what just happened." He held out his hand with a clothes pin that read Jon on it. "Ian was just standing here waiting for the elevator! I tagged him before he knew what was happening. I so told you the stairs were the smart choice."

Ryan tried to get his heartbeat back to normal as he walked past Spencer to their room, paying little attention as he began recounting details of his victory. "He was just standing there, pushing the button repeatedly. Whoever held up that elevator is my current favorite person." Ryan flashed back to his brief interaction with Brendon. He did seem to be running into him everywhere. He still hadn't gotten his number, or made any solid steps forward at all really, but it felt like they maybe had a spark. Ryan definitely felt a spark whenever he saw him. "Jon's going to be much harder. Can you help me come up with a devious plan?" Spencer asked once they'd made it back to their room and shut the door.

"I have a plan." Ryan answered immediately. Spencer's face lit up, but Ryan continued before he could say anything. "However, it's not exactly nice..."

Spencer seemed to hesitate before smiling even wider. "Perfect. Oh man, Jon'll be so mad when I beat him." His gaze seemed to unfocus as he presumably imagined the hissy fit Jon would throw. He seemed very pleased with this mental image. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

\-----------

Ryan had never seen so many full bottles of alcohol. Sure, his dad was a heavy drinker, and he would help take the empties to the store for change while his dad was passed out on the couch, but this was excessive. "Did you really have to get this much?" He asked as he pulled yet another bottle of tequila out of the bag.

"It's not like it all has to be drunk tonight." Spencer argued. "Plus it felt risky asking strangers outside of the store to buy them for me. This way we don't have to do it again for a while." Ryan conceded that it sounded risky, but without alcohol there was no bait for their plan.

Spencer turned to examine his reflection in the mirror, going so far as to see how his ass looked in the jeans he'd put on. Ryan had to bite his tongue not to make a comment. They still didn't know each other well enough for him to be taking digs at Spencer's love life. Spencer seemed to decide his reflection was acceptable and turned to Ryan expectantly.

"What?" Ryan asked. He was sitting on his bed, his computer in his lap.

"Aren't you going to go invite them?" The childlike innocence Spencer was feigning made Ryan want to scoff and demand Spencer go himself. But that wasn't the plan. Instead he pushed his laptop down between the bed and the wall and resignedly got off the bed. Spencer gave him a pat on the butt as he walked by, causing Ryan to jump and glare daggers at him. "Go get 'em."

Ryan focused on his breathing as he crossed the short distance between rooms. Off down the other end of the hallway he heard cheering and shouting that sounded like someone had just lost the game. He stopped outside of their door, embarrassed to note that he had to work up the courage to knock. When he eventually raised his fist, he made sure to rap loudly so he'd be heard over the low level of music he could hear coming from the other side.

There was a brief rustling noise as someone scrambled to open the door. Brendon stood on the other side in a loose fitting tshirt, and sweatpants hanging off his hips. "Oh, hey Ry." He greeted, leaning against the door frame. Ryan tried very hard not to react too strongly to that nickname.

Suddenly, the door flew wide open and Jon grabbed the front of Ryan's shirt, yanking him into the room before he knew what was happening. He had to grab the wall to avoid falling flat on top of Jon as he tripped into the room.

"Ha! Now you can't get us! Rooms are safe grounds." Jon declared smugly. Brendon laughed, closing the door behind them.

Ryan shot a glare at Jon before surveying the room. It was about as messy as his own, but with much less stuff in it. They'd hung up new curtains that matched Jon's bedding, and it gave the room a darker feel. Both halves were covered in posters, although Jon's were mostly musicians where Brendon's seemed to be movie posters. He approved of just about every one he recognized.

He didn't realize he'd been curiously examining their room for longer than would be normal until Jon poked him aggressively. "Do you have my name?" He questioned.

Ryan felt exhausted of playing this game. "No. I still have William like I have since this stupid game started." He didn't mention that he still didn't know who that was. Jon narrowed his eyes disbelievingly, and Ryan got out the pin to prove it. "Look, I don't give a crap about this game. I just wanted to hang out with you guys." He tried to remember the gist of the speech he and Spencer had written. "Spencer got a bunch of booze from his parents as a kind of... dorm-warming present. We figured we could play some card games and drinking games and stuff."

Jon somehow looked more suspicious. "You mean we're going to drink and you're going to soberly take advantage of us?" He was too obsessed with the game to even realize how that accusation sounded.

They had discussed this too. "I'll drink too. Just... don't let me get carried away." That would make him see like the vulnerable one that needed watching. He didn't love the idea of drinking, but hey, there's a first time for everything. It worked exactly as intended.

"Okay, in that case, sounds fun." Jon conceded. He arched an eyebrow at Brendon who nodded and started digging through a pile of clothes for something to wear.

"You can wear what you have on, it's just going to be the four of us." Ryan told him. Brendon merely shrugged in reply before pulling his top off and dropping it on top of the pile. Ryan and Jon's eyes met behind Brendon's back. Jon's face was smug while Ryan's was a little bit of shock mixed with a lot of awe. "Okay, well, take your time. We'll be in our room. Bring cups or mugs or something to drink out of. Also if you somehow have ice or mix that'd be great. Just let yourselves in when you get there. If you want to invite anyone, feel free." He was backing out of the room slowly, unable to stop the inevitable excess of words that tended to come out when he was around Brendon. Apparently shirtless Brendon made them even quicker and more laced with stutters. Great.

"No no no. No one else." Jon immediately warned, actually wagging a finger at Ryan. "More people means more chance of someone trying to tag me." Ryan had to stop himself from laughing. Jon was playing right into their trap.

He closed the door behind himself and went back to his room to await their arrival.


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan was trying very hard to suppress the unwarranted giggles that were trying to force their way up his throat. He didn't feel drunk, at least not in the way that he'd expected he would. He had finished one mug of coke and whiskey that, admittedly, had been stronger than he would have preferred, but Jon had mixed the first round of drinks before the other three had learned their lesson. The plan had been for Spencer to mix them, making Jon's stronger than theirs to make their goal easier, but Jon had insisted. Cut to Ryan standing up to change the music that was playing and finding the room a little spinny. He braced himself on his desk and allowed the feeling to pass. 

He didn't feel too strange, apart from the lightheadedness while standing, and the fact that his thoughts seemed to be a little louder. They were harder to ignore. While sober, he might have had the fleeting thought that Brendon's lips looked soft, and then he would push it away and think about something else. While tipsy, it seemed that singular thought took over, and it was all he could think about. His mind had one track, and the only destination that track lead to was how badly he wanted to kiss Brendon. 

He made it to the speaker, skipping the catchy yet annoying song from their youth that had come up on Jon's playlist. The next song was much better, and Ryan settled back into his spot on the carpet, maybe allowing his knee to touch Brendon's just the slightest bit. They had all thrown their cards in the middle of their circle, seemingly over the game of poker that Jon had been winning.

"Okay, we're playing truth or dare." Spencer announced smugly. That had not been a part of the plan, and Ryan inhaled some of the drink he'd been sipping and started coughing violently. His throat burned and his eyes watered as he tried to get the liquid out of his lungs. "Easy there, buddy." Spencer thumped him on the back in a way he thought was helpful. He glared silently at Spencer before glancing around to check the reactions of the others. Jon seemed more than willing to play. Brendon was less keen but shrugged in acceptance. 

"I'll start." Jon said before anyone could beat him to it. "Spencer, truth or dare?"

"Truth." 

Jon seemed a little disappointed for a split second before he smiled once more. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" 

Spencer didn't hesitate. "Seventeen." Jon looked like he wanted more information, but didn't press it. "Ryan, truth or dare?" Spencer asked.

"Oh my god, we're seriously doing this?" No one responded, and he sighed heavily. "Truth, I guess."

Spencer pretended to think about what he wanted to ask, although it was too overacted to seem genuine. Ryan was reminded of Spencer's Never Have I Ever claim, and was suddenly even more nervous. "Do you currently have a crush on anyone?" Spencer tilted his head and batted his eyelashes innocently. Ryan flushed deeply, feeling all the heat rush to his face as he decidedly avoided looking at anyone other than his roommate. Ryan apparently didn't answer quickly enough for his liking, and he prompted Ryan again. "Welllllll?" He singsonged. 

"I don't know if crush is the right word." Ryan said hesitantly. 

"Well, let's see," Jon chimed in, "Do you think about him when he's not around? Do you fantasize about kissing him? Do you wake up from dreams about him with a boner?" 

Ryan squinted at Jon and took a large gulp of his drink, making a face at the bad taste the whiskey had. 

"Yep." Jon nodded sagely. "Our boy's got a crush." Spencer hid a giggle behind his hand. A giggle. That made everyone other than Ryan laugh. "Who is it?"

Ryan scoffed. As if he was going to answer a second question. "Brendon?" He asked before realizing that sounded like he was answering the question after all. "Truth or dare?" He quickly added, noting the slight raise to Brendon's eyebrows.

"Oh, dare." Brendon responded after a moment.

Ryan racked his brain for a dare that wouldn't be too boring, but also wasn't so horrible it would make anyone uncomfortable. His brain was yelling fr him to dare Brendon to kiss him. Maybe dare him to kiss everyone to cover your tracks. Yeah, that's clever. 

"Ummmm." Ryan stalled. Brendon looked utterly at ease, not a worry on his mind about what Ryan would say. He'd do the dare regardless. "I dare you to ding dong ditch someone on the floor. Or, well, we don't have doorbells. So knock and run back, I guess." 

Brendon laughed, standing up and making for the door. Jon reached out a hand to him as he left. "Look both ways before you leave the safety of the room!" He called. Spencer and Ryan locked eyes. The alcohol definitely wasn't making Jon forget about the game. 

Brendon flashed a thumbs up over his head as he left the room, shoving a shoe in the door to keep it from closing behind him. After a few seconds, they could hear loud knocking from down the hall, and then Brendon's loud footsteps as he sprinted back to the room and slammed the door shut. They all smothered their laughter as they listened for the noise of the door being answered, and the faint sound of Patrick calling out, "Did someone want a hug?" They cracked, collapsing to the floor clutching their abdomens, and crying with laughter.

"Oh my god." Spencer forced out between gasps. "That was amazing." He wiped a single tear from his eye. 

"Alright, Jon. Truth or dare?" Brendon asked as he sat back down in the circle.

"I guess dare. It's no fun if people keep choosing truth." He looked at Spencer as he said this.

"I think truths are fun." Ryan muttered quietly. No one looked at him, but Brendon patted his knee reassuringly, his hand remaining longer than was necessary. 

"Okay Jon, I dare you to tell Spencer the most vivid sex dream you've ever had, but I want you to whisper it into his ear. Preferably all breathy and phone sex-y." Ryan's jaw dropped open. He had not expected this game to escalate so quickly. 

Jon's face looked wicked as he slowly grinned, crooking a finger to get Spencer to come closer to him. Spencer looked like he didn't know how to feel about the situation as he shifted his weight and leaned most of the way toward Jon, his face turned to stare at Ryan and Brendon. Jon cupped a hand around Spencer's ear and began telling the story as Spencer's expression immediately took on a look of shock and slight disgust. He gasped, pulling back to survey Jon and see if he was being serious. Jon licked his lips and pulled Spencer back to him with a hand around the back of his neck, holding him in place as he resumed whispering. Spencer squirmed a little, as if his pants were suddenly less comfortable than they'd been a minute ago. 

Ryan had momentarily forgotten that Brendon's hand was still on his knee, until he felt it give a slight squeeze. He looked at Brendon who winked at him as they looked back at the other two.

Spencer gasped again and sat back. He seemed to be in shock. Jon smugly took a sip of his drink, making a show of slurping it loudly. Spencer smacked Jon's arm. "You are so fucked up." He said, although his voice was suddenly rough and shaky.

"Alright, Ryan, truth or dare?" Jon asked. His eyes lifted from where Brendon's hand was still touching his knee to Ryan's face. The look of mischief in his eyes made Ryan's stomach twist in knots.

"Dare?" He answered questioningly, already feeling like it was the wrong choice. 

"I dare you to kiss Brendon." Jon immediately blurted out. Spencer snorted.

"Uhhhh." Ryan tried desperately to think of an excuse to get out of this. Everything in his brain was running in circles and screaming. He managed to make himself look at Brendon and was surprised with what he saw. 

Brendon was smiling and looking at him expectantly. Like he was waiting for Ryan to kiss him. Like he wasn't trying to think up ways to avoid it. Ryan took a deep breath and blinked a few times, trying to gauge both how drunk he was and if there was a chance this was a dream he was about to wake from. When he reopened his eyes and Brendon was still there, although slightly closer, he figured he had to go for it.

Ryan placed his own hand on top of Brendon's and leaned in slightly to meet him. They hesitated an inch apart, and he could feel the light puff of Brendon's exhale on his skin before a hand was gripping the back of his head and their lips were connected. He snapped his eyes shut shortly after, the alcohol and shock making his reaction time slow. Brendon's hand loosened its grip on his head as his fingers twined in the hair at the base of his skull. 

Ryan exhaled shakily and leaned into the kiss, his other hand moving to rest on Brendon's hip. His brain seemed to shut off as he went into auto pilot, his mouth moving of its own accord as he focused on the small sounds Brendon was making and the way his fingertips were tracing circles on Ryan's neck. Ryan felt as if he was having a first kiss all over again, there were butterflies in his stomach as he tentatively parted his lips and darted his tongue out to run over Brendon's lower lip. He was terrified to push it too far and have the other guy recoil in horror, but he also wanted to make the most of what might be the only chance he'd get to kiss him. 

If Ryan had been sober, he might have thought about the people that were watching this happen. Instead, every thought in his mind was dedicated to memorizing the way Brendon tilted his head, alternating between leading the kiss and following Ryan's lead. His lips were as soft as they had looked, and when Brendon opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Ryan took the opportunity to pull Brendon's lip between his teeth and graze it gently. Brendon let out a sudden whimper that seemed to catch even him by surprise.

When they pulled back and Ryan reopened his eyes, he was unable to look away from Brendon's. They stayed unmoving, hands still on each other, not blinking for multiple seconds, before Jon cleared his throat pointedly. "You're welcome." Jon smirked.


	7. Chapter 7

"Well, uh, I'm going to walk Jon back to his room now." Spencer declared, getting up from his spot on the floor. "You two uh, take as much time as you need." He slowly backed up until he ran into the door, fumbling blindly behind himself to get it open without taking his eyes off of Brendon and Ryan. Once he got it open wide enough, he dashed into the hall, not waiting to see if Jon would follow. 

Ryan stared meaningfully at Jon until he got the hint and followed Spencer out of the room. Ryan waited a beat, feeling the awkward silence with Brendon stretch on, before he allowed the grin to break out on his face. Brendon arched an eyebrow questioningly.

Ryan jumped to his feet and ran to the door, trying to open it as silently as possible. He stuck his head out just enough to see Jon's back as he stood talking to Spencer a little ways down the hall.

Brendon came up behind him. "Umm, what-" Ryan whipped around, covering Brendon's mouth with one hand while the other held the door open.

"Shhh. Just watch." He whispered. He peered back out into the hallway and Brendon pressed against his back so he could see too. Spencer noticed them over Jon's shoulder and the corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. 

Brendon's mouth pressed to Ryan's ear as he tried to whisper as quietly as possible. "What are we watching?" Ryan shook his head and didn't reply. His heart rate hadn't lowered since their kiss, and Brendon being so close to him right now was making it hard to focus on anything else.

Spencer suddenly laughed loudly at something Jon had said and gave his shoulder a shove, his hand lingering on Jon's arm. He actually appeared to be quite good at flirting. They each took a step closer to the other in unison. Spencer's hand slid up Jon's arm to his neck as their heads tilted and their lips met.

Brendon made a soft noise in Ryan's ear. They watched as Spencer's other hand moved to Jon's lower back, simultaneously pulling his body closer and attaching the clothes pin with his name on it to Jon's shirt. Spencer pulled back and smiled softly at Jon before walking past him back to his room. 

Brendon had to take a few hasty steps backward and slap a hand over his mouth to stop his laughter from coming out. Ryan grinned at him as they heard the distant sound of Jon screeching in anger.

\---------

A couple of days later it was Friday night, and Spencer, Ryan, and Brendon had all lost the game. After the legendary defeat of Jon that had been told and retold around the floor, most people lost interest in "Pushing Daisies" as Patrick still insisted they call it, and the guy named Pete had won. He was small and sneaky, so Ryan figured it made sense. Pete had decided they would go to an arcade for their outing, which was to be on Saturday, and Ryan was sort of looking forward to it. It seemed like a cool place that had live music and a mix of retro and new games. 

Ryan hadn't seen Brendon since the night before last when they'd played truth or dare, and he had analyzed that entire encounter enough times for it to be embarrassing. He wasn't a bad kisser, if anyone he'd ever slept with was to be believed, so of course Brendon had smiled. It had been a pleasant experience; that didn't mean Brendon liked him or wanted to date him. He was getting real sick of waking out of sex dreams, practically humping a pillow he'd shoved between his legs, to see Spencer smirking at him.

Spencer and Jon had gone out somewhere, and he'd been alone in the room for a few hours. The sun had long since set, and his mind was going a million miles per minute, harassing him with all the thoughts he didn't want to be thinking. He slammed his laptop shut and slid it into his hiding place, grabbing his keys and a lighter as he left. 

Ryan's feet flew over the stairs as he descended the flour flights at top speed, bursting out the door at the bottom of the stairwell and feeling the night air on his skin. He paused to take a few deep breaths before choosing a direction at random to walk in. 

The campus was mostly empty, he passed a few people here and there, mostly walking in pairs and talking. He felt an intense need to be as far away from everyone as possible. He cut between buildings, following a small stone path that lead to a cluster of trees hardly big enough to be called a forest. There were no lights here, and he sat on a tree root that had grown out of the ground. He pulled out a cigarette and rolled it between his fingers, not really wanting to smoke it, but acknowledging the faint whisperings from deep inside his mind to be self-destructive. 

He lit it, taking a long drag and exhaling the smoke in a narrow stream. The smell made him think of his father back home, probably doing the same thing, in a similar position, but most likely with a few more beers in his system than Ryan currently had. He sneered and ground the rest of the cigarette into the dirt with his shoe until all the embers had stopped glowing.

Ryan put his head between his knees and closed his eyes. He hadn't felt this panicked in a long time, and couldn't even figure out what was causing it. His thoughts were spiraling, picking up speed, and each thought was worse than the last. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he startled violently. "Jesus." He muttered to himself as he pulled out the phone and tried to read the screen through the unshed tears that had gathered in his eyes. He realized his hands were trembling as the light of the phone screen blurred in the darkness. He braced his elbows on his knees and blinked, trying to see properly. 

The text was from an unknown number. Hey, where are you? 

Ryan frowned, figuring it was a wrong number. He typed back, Who is this? taking far longer to hit the right keys than he normally would have. His anxiety heightened as he awaited a response, although the feeling that he was going to cry had passed.

He was still staring at the unlocked screen, so he saw the new message as soon as it arrived. Sorry, it's Brendon. 

Ryan hugged his knees to his chest, peering over them to type. He had a million questions, but didn't feel like asking them right that second. I'm in that forest thing behind the tech building.

After a second he received a thumbs up in response. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how much time passed before he heard footsteps crunching through the underbrush.

"Hey." Brendon said softly. 

Ryan lifted his head to look at him. His face faked a smile. He felt completely numb. 

"Walk with me." Brendon offered Ryan a hand and pulled him to his feet. They started walking out of the trees as Brendon took it upon himself to fill the silence. "So Jon and Spencer have been gone all day. I think Jon's finally forgiven Spencer for tricking him into losing. He was equal parts impressed and annoyed, but I think his ego wouldn't let him see the great strategy it was. That guy Pete went to discuss the plans for tomorrow with Patrick. They seem to have been spending a lot of time together lately." 

Ryan had his arms wrapped around his middle, and he looked at Brendon out of the corner of his eye as they walked. Why wasn't he asking why Ryan was sitting alone in a forest? How had he gotten his number? He felt himself relaxing a little as he listened to Brendon talk. He appreciated not having to listen to his own thoughts for once. 

Brendon was leading the walking as well as the talking, as they followed paths lined by lampposts. They were in a section of campus Ryan hadn't been to yet, and it seemed to be later in the night since they hadn't seen anyone since emerging from the woods. 

Ryan stopped walking, his gaze focused ahead of him on nothing in particular. Brendon immediately noticed, stopping mid-sentence to turn around and study Ryan's face. Ryan couldn't bring himself to meet Brendon's eyes, but he had to say something. "Thank you."

Brendon smiled softly and took a step closer. "Hey, anytime."

"No, I mean it. I really appreciate you finding me." Brendon closed the distance between them and wrapped Ryan in a hug. It was tight and comforting, and Ryan felt himself relax for the first time all day.

Brendon's breath hit his neck as he said, "Seriously. Anytime." His voice was softer than before as he held Ryan tighter. They stood like that for a few minutes, Ryan's breathing finally a normal pace, before slowing letting go. Brendon laced their fingers together as they walked back towards the dorm. This time Brendon didn't talk, and Ryan's thoughts remained quiet too. The stillness of the night felt comforting, where before it had been stifling. 

They got into the elevator, hands still connected, and Ryan leaned his head onto Brendon's shoulder as they waited for their floor to arrive. Just before the door slid open, Brendon pressed a soft kiss into Ryan's hair. He almost thought he'd imagined it. They walked down the hall, Brendon not even hesitating at his door as he walked Ryan to his own. They could hear the muffled sound of a video game coming from the other side, so he figured Spencer had since come back. 

Ryan turned to Brendon, words completely failing him as he tried to find a way to express his gratitude. Brendon seemed to know though, as he gave Ryan's hand a squeeze and kissed his cheek. His lips felt soft and warm on Ryan's skin, and the smallest, most genuine smile managed to fight its way onto his face. "Good night." He said instead.

"Good night, Ry. See you tomorrow." Ryan went into his room, nodding his head in response to Spencer's greeting, and climbed under the covers, pulling them up over his head. He touched the spot on his cheek that Brendon had kissed, and noted it was still tingling.


	8. Chapter 8

Ryan awoke the next morning from a night of dreamless sleep, and he felt more rested than he had in ages. Spencer was still snoring loudly in his bed, and he threw a pillow at him as a less than pleasant wake up call. Spencer's snores sputtered as he was roused from sleep, his eyes slowly blinking open with a glare already on his face, although the impressions from the pillow that marked his face from how he'd been sleeping kind of dissolved the venom in the glare.

"Come on, don't be like that." Ryan had rolled onto his side to face Spencer and was giving him his most adorable, innocent look. "Let's go get breakfast."

Spencer mumbled some obscenities under his breath that Ryan could only catch snippets of. "One of these days it'd be nice to wake up naturally, or hell, even to an alarm clock?" He got out of bed despite his words and pulled on the closest pair of sweatpants within reach. He was still wearing the shirt he'd slept in, but the look he was now giving Ryan implied that it was as dressed as he was going to get.

Ryan flung the sheets back and quickly got dressed, opting for a full outfit rather than sweats and pjs just in case he happened to see anyone important.

They walked down the hallway towards the stairs, and when they passed Jon and Brendon's door, Ryan couldn't stop himself from hoping the door would magically open and Brendon would come out. He knew it was a ridiculous thing to hope for, but he did seem to see Brendon every time he left his room, so how ridiculous was it really? They passed the door without incident, but as they entered the stairwell and heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, Ryan felt the excitement rekindle. 

Sure enough, Brendon bounded up the stairs two at a time, coming to a halt when he saw them. 

"Oh, hey guys!" Ryan and Spencer smiled back. "Were you going to the caf?" They both nodded. "If you give me a minute I'll change and come with you?" Ryan finally noticed that Brendon was wearing work out clothes and breathing heavily, his hair slightly damp with sweat. He was too busy staring to form an answer, so Spencer did it for him.

"Yeah, for sure. We'll be downstairs." Spencer nudged Ryan's shoulder in a very unsubtle way to get him moving. Ryan blinked a few times and moved to follow Spencer down the stairs. 

As he passed Brendon, he felt a hand on his arm, and Brendon leaned closer to him and spoke in a low voice. "Hey. You look good today." 

Ryan felt a blush rise to his cheeks as he breathlessly answered, "Uh, yeah, you too." Brendon smirked and went off to his room to change. 

Ryan looked around to see that Spencer had already gone outside, and rushed down the stairs to find him. Spencer was leaning against the outside of the building looking at his phone, but when he heard Ryan come through the door, he arched an eyebrow with a knowing smile on his face. 

"Oh shut up." Ryan said before Spencer even spoke. Spencer laughed and shook his head as Ryan leaned against the wall next to him. "So what's up with you and Jon?" 

Spencer shrugged, pocketing his phone and staring off across the quad. "I guess we're about to see." Ryan looked at him in puzzlement at that ominous statement, but the door opened again before he got a chance to ask for elaboration. Jon burst through the door, a strange nervous energy about him as he bounced on the balls of his feet and looked anywhere but at Spencer. Brendon followed shortly after, locking eyes with Ryan before taking off in the direction of the caf. 

Ryan jogged for a couple paces to fall into step beside Brendon. He glanced over his shoulder at the pair that were now following behind them, speaking heatedly to each other. "What's up with that? I thought they were all made up. Didn't they spend all day together yesterday?" 

Brendon sighed dramatically. "I only know bits and pieces because I went for that run this morning to escape Jon's endless ranting, but it seems like they were both waiting for the other one to text them first." 

Ryan's face crinkled in confusion. "But they only saw each other like ten hours ago." 

Brendon rolled his eyes. "Yep, that's true." He seemed to grow tired of the conversation topic as he abruptly changed moods and started talking about the arcade. "So I was talking to Pete about this place we're going later, it sounds super sick." 

Ryan smiled at his enthusiasm. "Oh yeah?" He prompted. Brendon got a small mischievous smile on his face but didn't say any more about it.

They ate breakfast quickly, only making small comments here and there about the food. One of the chefs had put m&ms in the pancakes that day, so most of the talk centered around what a great idea that had been. 

When they got back to their floor, Patrick was flitting about like an excited kid on Christmas. "T-minus one hour until we leave for the arcade!" Patrick singsonged at them. Ryan sent him a forced smile as the others ignored him and went to their rooms. Patrick's enthusiasm seemed to be reinvigorated by Ryan's reaction, and he bounded off down the hallway before coming to a halt in front of a door and banging on it incessantly. Ryan caught a glimpse of an annoyed-looking Pete still wearing pjs, answering the door, before he went into his own room to find Spencer already asleep again. 

Ryan flopped down onto his own bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before he couldn't take it any longer. There were words circling his mind that he needed to quiet by expelling them onto paper. He grabbed the nearest notebook to his current location since there were a few scattered around the room, and let his thoughts pour onto the page. His hand moved with little conscious effort, his looping cursive hardly legible to his own eye. 

He didn't realize how much time had passed until there was a knock at their door, and Spencer got up to get it. It seemed he'd been awake for a while since he'd finally gotten dressed at some point, although Ryan had managed to miss all of that. He looked down at the dozen or so pages he'd managed to fill and felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. Writing had always been a cathartic experience for him, but this was even more so than usual. He felt a smile come easier than it had over the past few days as he saw Jon at the door, letting them know it was time to leave. 

Everyone had grouped together in the common room, and the three of them automatically drifted to where Brendon was standing talking to a few other guys. When they approached, he turned around and Ryan felt his jaw drop as he saw that Brendon was wearing eye liner. It looked amazing on him, and Ryan was completely unable to stop himself from ogling the guy. 

The people Brendon had been talking to went back to their own conversation as Brendon crossed the circle to stand next to Ryan. He felt a flutter in his stomach as he finally found the resolve to feign indifference and act like a normal human being who was not crushing super hard on his floormate. 

Patrick lead everyone in a huge trampling pack down the stairs to where a rented bus was waiting. Ryan had never been on a school bus like this, and it was a little surreal to be inside of one when he'd seen them in movies and tv shows so often. Brendon picked a seat at the back of the bus, Ryan sliding in beside him, as Jon and Spencer shared the seat across the aisle. 

The bus was far from movie-perfect, and Ryan noticed the back of the seat in front of them was melted with lighter impressions and covered in graffiti. He got distracted trying to decipher what all the messages said, barely hearing Patrick announcing the rules for bus safety or whatever it was he was talking about. 

When the bus started moving, he was shocked by the feeling of it going over the campus's speed bumps. There was no way it was safe to be on this thing without a seat belt. His butt was nearly leaving the seat every time they his a bump. Ryan gripped his fingers tightly on the seat in front of them, pushing his back into the cushion and trying to stay more or less in place. Brendon seemed to be enjoying himself, smiling and bouncing along. As they hit a particularly deep pot hole at high speed, Brendon got some air and landed half in Ryan's lap. He collapsed in a fit of giggles, slowly shifting to sit back on the seat.

Ryan's heart was still beating a little quickly as they pulled up outside of the arcade and piled off the bus. Patrick presented them all with cards that were loaded with funds to pay for the games, and then said they were free to go. Everyone immediately broke off in different directions, and Patrick seemed to sense the difficult task of rounding everyone up again and he screamed a little frantically, "Meet back at the bus by 3 o'clock if you want a ride back!" Ryan barely heard this as he was being dragged by the wrist into the arcade by Brendon. 

He was dazzled by the flashing lights and music that was emitted by all the games. It was a little overwhelming to the senses, but Brendon's grip on him was grounding. He had no idea where Spencer and Jon got off to, and when Brendon stopped at the air hockey table and grinned like he'd never been happier, Ryan had a hard time saying no. He knew he'd likely embarrass himself with a complete lack of hand-eye coordination, but it would be worth it to keep Brendon smiling like that. 

They each took a paddle as Brendon swiped his card in the machine and placed the puck in the center of the board. "Ready to be destroyed?" Brendon taunted, shifting his weight back and forth between his two feet as if he was really going to play a sport and not just some table version of one.

"I was born to be destroyed." Ryan quipped before the reality of what he'd said managed to be contemplated enough to realize what a bad idea it was. Brendon snorted and took a swipe at the puck, sending it directly into Ryan's goal before he could even shift his paddle. "Huh. So you've played this before?" He asked as he found the puck in the dispenser and placed it on his side of the table. It started slowly hovering to the side as the air streams moved it, and his attempt to hit it sent it weakly off towards one of the corners on Brendon's side. 

"There was one in the rec room of the church my parents go it. I definitely spent more time playing it than I ever did praying." He expertly sent the puck right back into Ryan's goal, throwing his hands in the air and imitating the sound of a cheering crowd as the scoreboard rolled over with the newly earned point. 

After what must have been the shortest game ever due to Ryan's inability to score even one point, the table powered off and they started wandering around the aisles looking for a new game. 

"How about we play something I stand a chance at?" Ryan asked, smirking at Brendon to illustrate that he was definitely not a sore loser.

"I don't know if they have a game for obscure Russian literary trivia." Brendon teased as he looked around at the games in mock seriousness.

"Haha." Ryan deadpanned, giving Brendon's shoulder a shove. "There are lots of things I'm great at, I'll have you know."

"What do you have in mind?" 

Ryan looked around before settling on one he knew he could wipe the floor with Brendon on. "That one." Brendon eyes followed where Ryan's hand was pointing, the grin slowly fading from his face as he paled.


	9. Chapter 9

"You're putting yourself in a corner..." Ryan warned.

"Shhhhh, I got this... Oh FUCK!" Brendon exclaimed as he attempted to jerk the joystick to the side too slowly. The Pac-Man he was controlling ran into a ghost, folded up, and died. "Why did you have to pick this game? I'm horrible!" He softly kicked the arcade machine, pretending to throw a tantrum, although he kind of looked like he wanted to kick it for real.

Ryan smirked as he moved onto the next level in solo mode. "You just need to plan further ahead. You're too focused on getting all the pellets as quickly as possible, when you should be playing the long game and focusing on survival."

"Pellets? Oh my god, you know the terminology. I've been sharked!" Brendon gasped and clutched his chest like he'd been shot.

Ryan rolled his eyes, a grin still on his face. "Aww is someone embarrassed that we found something he's not amazing at?" Ryan teased. His hand moved the joystick with precise flicks to catch up to the vulnerable ghost just before the timer ended, sending it back to the start.

Brendon made a dismissive noise, his eyes not leaving the screen of the arcade game as he watched Ryan masterfully avoid Blinky to collect the cherries for 100 bonus points. "Show off." He muttered, a strange undertone of pride in his voice. "And I'm not amazing at everything." He added. Ryan noted the slight blush on his face when he flicked his eyes over to Brendon's face, and the excitement of making that happen almost made him lose focus on the game. He took a deep breath before blowing through a few more levels. 

He started to notice Brendon getting fidgety. He was still paying attention to Ryan's game, but he'd started to bounce on the spot, shifting his weight back and forth between either foot. Ryan pretended to shift the joystick the wrong way and ran his Pac-Man into the ghost that he would have otherwise managed to avoid. He quickly got rid of his other lives, trying to put on a show of being upset so Brendon wouldn't suspect him of doing it on purpose. 

When the ominous GAME OVER text took over the screen, Ryan threw his hands up in mock distress. Brendon seized the opportunity to hug him around the midsection, burying his face in Ryan's neck. Ryan made a kind of strangled surprised noise, his body going tense since he didn't expect it. When his brain finally caught up with the concept that Brendon was hugging him, he relaxed, leaning into the embrace and grinning a little wildly.

"Heeeyyyyy!" They heard a voice call out nearby. Jon and Spencer appeared, carrying fistfuls of candy they'd apparently claimed as prizes for their tickets. Spencer had half a chocolate bar hanging out of his mouth, and Jon was snapping a piece of bubble gum obnoxiously. "All the prizes are lame stuff like army men and bouncy balls, except for the candy!" Spencer continued excitedly.

Brendon had a slow smile growing on his face, his arm still slung casually around Ryan's waist. "Well after the impressive run Ryan just had on Pac-Man, we've probably got enough to redeem for a top prize." Ryan face grew warm as the other two stared at the machine behind him, his initials flashing at the top of the leader board, GRR.

"Holy shit, let's go cash it in!" Spencer jumped up and down before grabbing Jon's hand and dragging him back in the direction of the prize desk. 

The four of them stood, surveying the wall of options. Ryan had indeed won enough tickets to afford anything on the wall other than the flat screen tv which was worth the most. Jon turned to smirk at Ryan. "You should definitely get that neon sign that says 'man cave'. You know, keep it classy." The guys laughed while Ryan rolled his eyes.

"As if. I have way more taste than that. What about the lave lamp?" He asked, perfectly serious. There was a pause while the others stared at him, and then each other, and then doubled over with renewed laughter. "Wow, okay, no need to be rude. Lave lamps are so tacky they're cool again. You just don't know it yet." Ryan said, not really even believing his own excuses. His face had gone a deep red colour, and Brendon silently took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Ryan smiled back at him. 

"I vote you get me that stuffed unicorn!" Brendon pointed to it on the shelf. It wasn't worth that many tickets, so Ryan shrugged.

"If you want it, I'll get it for you." 

Brendon stuck his tongue playfully out at him before responding. "Naw, what would I even do with him?" Spencer and Jon were both watching their interaction with interest, and Ryan tried his best to ignore the attention. "Let's get something we'll actually use."

Ryan turned his focus back to the wall, his eyes skimming over the options before coming to rest on one. Before he could say anything, the words were already being said by Brendon. "Dart board!" Ryan grinned at him and nodded. The guy working behind the counter went to retrieve their prize, and then swiped their card to redeem the tickets. He passed them the large box, and Brendon reluctantly let go of Ryan's hand so he could carry it.

"Umm, one question." Spencer said slowly, raising his hand as if he was asking for permission to speak in a classroom. Ryan quirked an eyebrow at him to prompt him to continue. "How are we supposed to get that thing into the dorm? It's definitely too dangerous to be allowed." Ryan reevaluated the size of the box and the potential risk for stabbing that came along with it, and realised how fair Spencer's question was.

Brendon narrowed his eyes, his gaze detachedly off in the middle distance. "I really don't think it will be that hard." He said.

\----------

It turned out to not be difficult at all. They convinced Pete to run interference by promising to invite him to play darts with them sometime. Not like he needed to be convinced to talk to Patrick; it seemed to be his new favourite thing to do. 

When Patrick's back was turned, Jon and Brendon shuffled sideways with the box behind their backs, just in case Patrick were to turn around. They then placed it on one of the bus seats against the back rest, and Ryan and Brendon sat in front of it, pressed tightly together with the excuse that they had to keep the box hidden. 

When Patrick had done a head count and the bus had started rolling, Ryan felt the elation of success bubbling inside him. Before he could do anything to control it, hysterical giggles were forcing him to shake with silent laughter. He covered his mouth with his hands as tears streamed down his face, and still he couldn't stop laughing. When Brendon realised he was shaking, and not just being bounced around by the bus again, he looked at Ryan in a panic. His hand went to Ryan's knee and squeezed comfortingly, but Ryan could only manage to shake his head. He was having to gasp for air too hard to be able to form words, but finally one bark of laughter emitted, and Brendon realised what was happening. 

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?" Brendon said fondly. He looked on the verge of laughing too.

Ryan managed to calm himself down enough to speak around the giggles. "It's just... so ridiculous." Brendon tilted his head in confusion. "I mean... We had to reenact... Mission Impossible just to get the..." He snorted and gestured at the dart board behind them. 

Brendon finally broke down and joined him in laughing. "You've never seen Mission Impossible, have you?" Ryan grinned and managed to stop laughing, the distracting weight of Brendon's hand on his leg finally breaking the spell. 

"Wow, sorry, I don't know what got into me. I didn't get much sleep last night." Ryan said, a little embarrassed by his weird giggle attack that he couldn't sufficiently explain. 

Brendon nodded and leaned his back against the wall of the bus. "Well it's not that far to the school, but you can lay down on me."

Ryan's mouth scrunched up with the effort it took to not make an 'aww' sound. Instead, he flicked his eyes around, noting Spencer and Jon making out in the seat across the aisle from them, before turning a little to cuddle up against Brendon. It wasn't what would be considered comfortable, his back bent at an awkward angle, and his legs curled up, barely able to fit on the stiff bus seat, but he felt unbelievably happy in that moment. 

Brendon smiled down at him, a hand running through Ryan's hair as the other arm wrapped around his waist. Ryan was already smiling back as Brendon leaned forward to kiss him. 

This, Ryan though, this is the real prize.


	10. Epilogue

Brendon crashed through the door to the lounge and collapsed onto a couch. Ryan had been working on an essay, his laptop on the table in front of him with so many tabs open that he felt overwhelmed. He didn't even look up when Brendon made all the noise, nor when he started to sigh dramatically to get Ryan's attention. 

Brendon flung an arm over his eyes, another sigh leaving his mouth as he peeked out from beneath it to catch a glimpse at Ryan, and see if his strategy was working. "Oh come on, you can't have that much work. It's still the first week!" Brendon complained, finally getting tired of waiting for Ryan to ask him what was up. "Even my religion classes aren't laying on the homework that thick yet."

Ryan closed his laptop in defeat and turned to look at Brendon. His head was hanging off the couch, the blood all rushing to his face, and Ryan couldn't help the fond smile that took over his face. "Fine. You have my undivided attention. What do you want?" 

Brendon's red face grinned at him. "Nothing, I just missed you." Ryan bit his lip and tried to keep from blushing. Brendon flipped himself off the couch, managing a semi-graceful backwards somersault. He walked up to Ryan, placing a hand on each armrest of Ryan's chair and leaning forward to kiss him. 

When Brendon started to pull away, Ryan grabbed the back of his head and continued kissing him for a few extra seconds. Brendon pecked him on the cheek and sat down on his lap, ignoring the little huff of protest Ryan made. Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon's waist and pressed his face into his shoulder blade. He asked a question that came out more mumbled than he'd expected it to, and Brendon had to prompt him to repeat it. Ryan moved his face so his mouth was uncovered and said again, "What do you want to do tonight?"

Brendon tilted his head to the side. "Well I'm assuming since Jon wasn't in our room, and you're studying in the lounge, your room is occupied?" Ryan scrunched up his face in memory of what he'd walked in on. They had to come up with a system to avoid that in the future. He'd felt his way blindly along the walls, both eyes shut and a hand covering them for good measure, to get his laptop from behind his bed, and Jon and Spencer had stayed perfectly still and silent, most likely mortified, until he'd left. 

He made a whimpering noise and nodded. Brendon shook gently with laughter. "Well then, we could always go to my room? Kill time until yours is free, and then we could finally break in that dartboard."

"And how do you suggest we kill time in your room?" Ryan asked, fluttering his eyelashes at Brendon.

"I think you already know what I'm going to suggest." Brendon said without hesitation. 

Ryan pursed his mouth and flatly said, "Mario Kart."

"Mario Kart!" Brendon echoed looking beyond happy. 

"Yeah, that sounds fun. Maybe I should just write one more paragraph of this essay though..." The tilt of Brendon's head told him he was being ridiculous, so he trailed off mid-sentence. "Okay, you're right. Let's go play."

Brendon scooped up his laptop for him and grabbed Ryan's hand as the two walked down the hallway to Brendon's room. 

When the door closed behind them, and Brendon had dropped the laptop on Jon's bed, Ryan grabbed him and backed him up against a wall. He pressed up close to him and bent his forehead to rest against Brendon's. "Hey, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist and hummed in response. Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Words seemed to be escaping him. Brendon waited as patiently as he was capable of, but eventually felt the need to ask. "And that is...?"

"Yeah, right, I'm getting there. Umm, look, you're... awesome." Ryan let out a defeated sigh. "I'm garbage at this. Will you be my boyfriend?" 

Brendon picked him up and spun in a circle. "Of course!" He placed Ryan back on the ground and kissed him. Ryan felt like his skin was tingling in all the places Brendon was pressed against him, and he couldn't keep the grin off his face. "Come on, boyfriend." Brendon said, pulling him down to the floor. "Let me kick your ass at some Mario Kart."

"Fine, but I get to be yoshi this time." Ryan pouted.

Brendon laughed and passed him a controller. "Game on."


End file.
